The Number of the Ultimate Truth
by The Corpse Maker
Summary: Based on The books by Robert Rankin and The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, by Douglas Adams. Too mad to summarize it. It's mostly about sprouts, The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived and 42.
1. Chapter 1

**S**omewhere near a charming town known as Brentford, around midnight, the Greatest Man Who Ever Lived was parking his spaceship. He had just come back from a journey through space and time and felt a bit tired, so he decided to ask his servant Rizla to prepare him a bath, here, in the corn field they had landed in. And so it was done. And if any nighty grumpy peasant had something to say against it, well... the good old big stick would make him reasonably more disposed to let dirty water and soap do whatever they wanted to his corn cobs. After all, it would be a privilege to eat Hugo-Rune-flavoured popcorns. And for the soap flavour, well... it would add a little something to it.

_And that's how begins..._

**The greatest Question which**

**had never been asked**

_Or_

**42, The number of the ultimate truth**

_Or_

**Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune _(but not only him)_ has an adventure**

_A story in five universes, five and a half cows, _

_six first names (Rune's ones) and forty-two... _

**Part the first **

(N.B. : it's like King Henri I, excepted for the royal blood)

_**In which boring events happen and vegetables appear** _

**S**omewhere else... more exactly in a completely else somewhere, a two-headed galactic president was eating soap-flavoured popcorns. The said popcorns were far more interesting than the film he was (sort of) watching, which was mostly about people taking baths. He took the remote control in a popcorn-sugared hand and pushed the little button at the top of it to turn off the tv.

Three minutes later, he got bored and pushed it again, to turn on the tv. And he got bored some minutes later. Then a sprout appeared on the screen. Zaphod turned off the tv.

The sprout was still there.

Arthur Dent, the Planet-destruction-survivor, the Sometimes-flying-man, the Beverage-machines-destroyer was getting bored too. It had been months now since the crew had last been involved in some sort of catastrophic events, and... Arthur (even if he would never have thought he would ever have thought that... is it clear ?) sort of missed it. He nearly hoped (only nearly), when a shape started to appear before his eyes, that it was something excintingly dangerous materializing in the room, but it soon appears that it was nothing more than... an innocent sprout, which innocently falled on the floor, and to which Arthur immediately decided to pay no attention.

Marvin was bored... and it wasn't new. In his gigantic brain, informations where moving faster than anywhere else, but it didn't satisfy him.

All of a sudden, the image of a sprout appeared in his brain and Marvin stopped thinking about anything else. For the first time, Marvin didn't feel depressed. He just felt... _sprout._

When Ford Prefect swallowed an unexpected sprout with his last gulp of Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, he got a bit surprised.

Trillian woke up in sweat from an afternoon nap. She had just dreamed of a bathtub full of grinning cruel sprouts.

The sprout inside Arthur's room discretely rolled under a chair and waited silently.

Soon, the time would come when they gather and fight...

**Part II**

_**In which a long-forgotten hero finds an opportunity**_

_**to set off on an epic quest involving spaceships**_

**C**ornelius Murphy awoke and slowly raised his head under a vast amount of hair, which happened to be his. His leonine mane had turned into a neandertalian-but-spotless mane.

It was still night and everything seemed peaceful in Brentford, but The Last of the Murphy felt like something strange was happening. Something strong enough to make a Murphy's instinct ring like a mad smoke detector.

Something strong enough to violently smash half of the Murphy's house in a BRAOOOOOOOOOM ten seconds later and then continue it's course as silently as before.

A stunned Cornelius Murphy emerged from the debris of the recently half-demolished house and, after making sure his parents were fine, set off on the chase of the invisible flying vehicle which had just caused the events. Unable to see nor hear it, he based on the trajectory it must have followed given the mess done to the Murphy family's haven.

The said trajectory lead to old Pete's corn field, and it was precisely there that it landed. It was indeed a ship, as Cornelius had already deduced. But what he witnessed next surprised him more than an invisible ship smashing half of his house. Because what he witnessed next was two men getting out of the ship, one of them being Hugo Rune, his own father.

What he witnessed later, which involved a bathtub and a naked Rune dripping soapy water was more disgusting than surprising.

Could a Hugo Rune be still alive ? Apparently yes. Cornelius' instinct was now happily warning him that a new epic quest was coming.

The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived always took between two and three hours to take his bath, so it would let Cornelius some time to prepare his suitcase and fetch Tuppe.

**Part III**

_**In which Marvin thinks about sprouts**_

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

**Part IV**

_**In which Hugo Rune takes his bath**_

_(**w**histles and sings)_

**Part V**

_**In which Cornelius Murphy walks**_

**C**lop – clop – clop – clop

**Part VI**

_**In which the time has come**_

« **T**he time has come », thought the sprout under the chair.

« The time has come », said Hugo Rune, leaving his bath.

« Tuppe... wake up, please... the time has come », said Cornelius, shaking his sleeping friend.

Tuppe muttered something about eating popcorn in his sleep. Cornelius shook him again and Tuppe oppened his eyes. Tuppe looked at Cornelius. And Cornelius looked at Tuppe.

« Come with me, my old companion. We got a job. », said Cornelius.

« I've always prefered sleeping than working, you know it... especially in the middle of the night, my old companion », said Tuppe.

« Hugo Rune is alive », said Cornelius.

« Really ? This old companion ? », said Tuppe, getting up on his bed.

And so the two heroes left Tuppe's house together towards fate, danger and a corn field.

Hugo Rune asked Rizla to wipe and dress him (even universal geniuses sometimes happen to put two legs in the same trouser leg). Then, he headed to his spaceship...

... wherein Tuppe and Cornelius were already waiting.

**Part VII**

_**In which a journey begins, ends and sprouts attack**_

**T**he spaceship left Pete's cornfield, leaving a curious mark, which would make old Pete known as « The man with the pentagram-shaped crop circle ».

It's not an easy thing to be aware of the sudden disappearance of an invisible spaceship, but it's exactly what happened. It just disappeared from the surface of the earth... and reappeared less than a second later above another ship, half of a galaxy farther and in fact two years later...

On its board, hidden in the deeps of the kitchen, Tuppe and Cornelius looked at each other. « What... the hell... happened ? », asked Tuppe to nobody in particular, stroking his painful head and looking for a paper bag in case he urgently needed to evacuate stomachic contents.

« timeandspacetravelsickness », answered Hugo Rune, casually peeling a banana « It won't last. ».

« Shit », muttered both Tuppe and Cornelius at the same time.

Inside the ship above Rune's ship, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Ford Prefect, Arthur Dent and Tricia Mac Millan looked at the vast amount of menacing sprouts moving towards them. Marvin was there, too, but he only looked at his feet, complaining about how stupid life was.

« Oh, shit », muttered Zaphod « How many of them are there ? ».

« One hundred and seventy-six », answered Marvin, gradually recovering his mental abilities, after the image of the sprout had left his brain.

« Thank, you, metal box... you are really reassuring ».

« Zaphod », intervened Trillian « stop it. »

The sprouts were progressing in a roll-and-roll movement. The crew was retreating in a shiver-and-uncomfortable-steps movement (excepted for Marvin, who just didn't care but followed), and it finally hit a wall. It was a serious problem.

« Shit », muttered Arthur.

« Shit », muttered Zaphod.

« Shit », muttered Ford.

« What...the... » muttered Trillian, looking at the ceiling, in which a curious hole had appeared.

And through that hole, she could see a bald man. A smiling bald man. A smiling bald man holding a banana.

« Hello ! », announced the man cheerfully « Let my disciple Rizla introduce mys-

_**NOT THE END**_

-elf ».

_**STILL NOT THE END**_

**To be continued...**


	2. Chapter 2 : Where order is restored

**Chapter II : Where order is restored, but in fact not really**

After having been introduced as Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune, the Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, Sherlock Holmes' consulting detective, thirteenth apostle of Jesus Christ, Sexiest Man of the Millennium and many other things we won't mention by lack of time, Hugo Rune made his way through a crowd of scared sprouts and reached a power outlet and plugged an astonishing device into it.

"Great things, power outlets", he said, brandishing a nice-looking hairdryer and switching on the interruptor.

A whooshing sound emerged from the mouth of the machine and the sprouts all disapeared inside it, swallowed by the terrible thing.

The crew looked at Hugo Rune and his improbable hairdryer in complete amazement.

''What the hell was _that _?'',Zaphod Beeblebrox said.

''Trans-dimensionnal conductor. It's been designed to restore order in parallel universes.'', answered Mister Rune. ''It can also be used to dry hair. And this'', he continued, giving a final bite to his fruit. ''Is a banana.'', after what he kindly offered the crew to spend a blessed time dining in his ship, where he would allow them to benefit from his great wisdom and knowledge.

The crew was still a bit unable to put their words together, apart from Marvin, but he didn't care.

Arthur eventually asked if there would, by chance, be tea.

In a drawer, a sprout was waiting. It had escaped from the disaster which had sent the other vegetables back to where they had come from. It shivered as the remains of a trans-dimensionnal wind were floating above him.

It extracted his green body from the console and landed on the metallic floor in a pathetic "thup".

It needed to gain force. It was alone and it was wrong.

A low song rose in the cabin.

The lonely sprout was calling for help.

Marvin was waiting in the small cabin. He had refused to accompany the others. It was not that he disliked the company of people. It was just that he _hated_ the company ot people.

He hadn't realized that the company he had now was this of a singing sprout until he heard the chant.

He located the sprout and crushed it under his left foot.

It wasn't that he wanted to save the ship from a sprout. It was just that the song had disturbed him while he was busy being bored.

The destruction of the vegetable had occured too late, for help was on its way already. Viewed from far above, it seemed that a green spot was advincing toward a grey spot, which was in fact a spaceship.

And in the said spaceship, a depressive robot was sighing deeply.


End file.
